Insomnia

For a long enough time period, everyone's survivial rate is zero.

For a long enough time period, we did not love each other.

For a long enough time period, none of us have ever lived.

If we don't sleep, it is our own sin, not enough exercise, not enough vegetable, vulnerable, confused, hurt.

An hour ago, I was so angry with myself that I felt like smashing something. Although the idea was attrative for a second- to prove I am not materialistic, but I spared my HDTV, I will regret that later if I smashed it, and went for the wine glasses. As I was cleaning up the mass and feeling better, my friend from Beijing invited me for a webcam conversation once he saw I was online.

It did not seem to strik him as weird that as a late night person, I was up this early.

I used to own a web cam, but no more, like so many other things I have stored or thrown away. So I was looking at him like watching a poorly edited film clip(old cam), and typed my lines.

Weeks ago they lived on the upper west side, now they are on the other side of the globe. And I walked past their old hood with no need to stop anymore.

Suddenly it is no longer relevant to me. Suddenly strangers occupy that space that belonged to their memories of New York.

For a long enough time period, nothing is really relevant to anything else.

Insomnia is a monster, Broges thus said, I think.