Thursday, August 11, 2005

Man and Their Intentions

"You know", my friend typed in MSN, "I am not sure of his intentions".

She previously stated that his mentor of the research center, has taken her onto a 7-course wine tasting lunch and bought her a bottle of wine at the end of it.

I refreshed my blogging site, looking for comment, while typing into MSN "don't think too much, just enjoy old is he? '

"He is an old man with a beautiful wife who was his pupil".

"Bad track record."

"He is the previous mayor..."

I gasped, I am snobbish that way. I love smart, funny, successful or extremely moody or considerate man, something set them apart. Plus we are not talking about Paris, Texas. What we have here is a top sin city of this country.

"When I come visit next month, can you introduce me?" I don't care what his intentions are, to my friend, I don't mind knowing some man who had been there, done that. And he sounds nice too.

"He should be very glad to meet with you." I hope so. I need to go out sampling man, one other friend told me over one therapeutically phone conversation, as if men are lining up in small bottles in front of me and I will just pick what suits the mood.

She called me 10 minutes later to talk about another guy that she just met (I want to go back to school campus where meeting guy seems so effortless with all the time you have on hands and schedules filled with parties). She is in west coast and I am a late person. So it all worked out.

She said he is a tall Chinese guy who teaches swimming. I pictured nice figure, firm but smooth skin, and he is tall too. "Sounds good."

"But he wanted to come up to my place first time we went out. What do you think he wants? I told him that we should be friends first. You know, I really like him. Does he JUST want sex? "

We worry about man's intentions once they grow fond of us. Before that, we worry about making them grow fond of us if they have not previously and voluntarily done so.

Such mindsets call for questions too soon as to what are they after? How long will they be interested in? How long will they stay after the Moment, if ever? That is why I don't like the method of "Sampling" man. You are obligated to deal with such standard questionnaire from day one. And you miss enjoying it.

I believe in going for it for whatever it is worth. I believe in enjoying it to the fullest without worrying about intentions of any sort. I believe in equilibrium in the non-physics world of love where what flows out will ultimately flows back. I am still an optimist.

Plus who is to say that only man have intentions. We dress stunningly to please the eyes that we want to please. We launch witty conversations so that we see sparks in the eyes that we could not resist looking into. Women are filled and covered with intentions.

Intentions are meant to be when they are intentions for getting closer and opening up. Intentions should be cherished when they are intentions to make the moment a little more memorable and life a little more enjoyable.

I remember a note to me that says: I have been silent and I have not been around. But none of these are intentional on my part". But it is the intentional part that is more valuable to me.

Being intentional means taking actions and making choices. Even not-so-good intentions revealed courage of actions and taking the consequences. Doing things with clear intentions shows readiness to get rejected, exposed and despised.

Intentions may cause unsatisfactory feelings, but it seldom hurts, at least not for long. Since it promises well managed expectations. Things that have pained me more are unsettled minds, non-accessible feelings, and shifting heart and what culminate into the famous Silence of Man.

So, man with their intentions does not worry me. Man that comes up to me with no clear intentions scares the hell out of me. We should be warned of such species when they are within 10 miles radius. So that we stay in safety realm and keep the cool, so that we won't become stalkers because we think he INTENDS to see us but could not for whatever valid reason that they have offered.

Maybe some men indeed do not have intentions or too weak to formulate one. Their presence and charm are just for themselves and such passive aggressiveness are misunderstood and misused by those of us who have hoped that they would come to us with intentions to love and love loudly.

After all, Men, with or without intentions, could not have hurt us if we have not allowed ourselves to be hurt in the first place (I think I borrowed this sentence from Stephanie Kelin). So the threat is not from Men, they are not our natural enemy. It is our heart that we should be guarded against. It is the intentions of our hearts, to love and be loved, and to not easily taking no as an answer.

So at the end of our 3 hour conversation of her man problem, I suggested in a very professional tone, as a woman who just launched herself unintentionally into the No Man's land, that to " Follow your heart, enjoy the moment, strategically position your emotions and feelings to ensure you can withdraw with minimum wounds whenever you can".

"But how do you suppose I am going to make that work?"

Well, I work in Direct Marketing agencies and are used to see account directors present strategies the implementation of which are not humanly possible. But we make money.

Or, if you decide to stay in the trench rather than withdraw, I suppose we can always go read the War Art of Sun Tz(yes, it needs that kind of strategy), the famous strategy book of our ancestors. That shall craft our practices.

We can even read the Chinese version. Let's consider ourselves lucky.


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