Thursday, June 29, 2006

The Ability to Laugh--at Myself

I burst into laughter on the street with myself while thinking of this little incident a couple of months ago. My heart was aching from missing you, but was able to laugh, at myself.

I was in my grocery store--the Wholefood in Time Warner Center at Columbus Circle. I was paying at registra and randomly glanced through the little eat out area where usually there are lot of young professionals having their dinner alone at dinner time of a week day.

I noticed a guy that is very good looking, with stunning profile, eating alone, looking ahead, seemed to be lost in his thought.

Being certain that I will pass by him, I determined to make an positive impression, just for the sake of Aestheticism.

That is weeks after your call, so I was in a very weird self-love and self-hate mood.

I know I looked very sleek with the blue Armarni Exchange cloth jacket, short skirt and the pair of soft and sexy looking long boots. I was very sure of myself.

I walked forward, grocery bag in one hand, raising my head high, imagining I am wearing little black dress like Audery Hurborn in Breakfast in Tiffany.

Two old gentlemen stood at the far end in front of the flower stall, chatting to each other, paying attention to me. I tried to avoid eye contact with them, I was looking at the handsome guy through the corner of my eyes. I was almost sure that he was starting at me, the beautiful and sophisticated me, when I felt my left foot suddenly s-l-i-p-p-ed.

Next thing I know, I was lying on the ground on my back, literally lying there, not sure my underpants was exposed because my shirt is short enough, but very likely so. The two gentlemen came up and leaned over and asked: Are you OK?

Yes, I inevitably blushed and got up on my feet as soon as I can. I was brave enough to look at the handsome guy whom I tried to impress, he had the nerve of looking at me, with a smile at the corner of his mouth--he turns out not to be my type even.

I collected my stuff and run to the escalator and never looked back.

15 minutes later, I walked into the shoe repair shop of that Romanian man, drop that pair of boots on his counter, and yelled: "You really need to do a better job on these heels, you know. "

I was laughing at myself, last night, on the side walk of 9th Avenue, on this humid summer day. I miss you like my heart is going to split into pieces. I was wondering why I was so dramatic, one thing is for sure, I love you very much, but there are other inherent reasons. And I am getting closer to clean them up the more I have been living my life by myself, stronger.

I wish I was a more light-hearted girl, postive, happy and carefree, rather than being sad and sentimental.

My friend Gawain has determined his future love would be Salina Saleh or the like.

Sounds great. Right for him, right for you, right for you all.


Blogger Julie said...

Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. :) ( not sure if it posted the first time so sorry if its a double post)

10:53 AM  
Blogger New York Red said...

Jeweliet01, thanks for the comment! Agree and to stay amused is a positive thing.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Gawain said...

I am by nature disphoric -- people find me "deep". But with years of practice I have learned to be happier, to take more simple pleasures, to push back sad thoughts. I am happier at 43 than i was at 23 as a result. Why am I saying this? because i want you to know that you TOO can be happier. for people like me, it takes a resolution; and determination; and hard work; and we will never be quite like Salina Saleh; but we can get better.

armani, eh? i should send you some nice cloth from here. twice the effect for 1/10th the money. :)

though I bet you look great in those shoes.

11:52 PM  
Blogger New York Red said...

It is Armani exchange, the lower end and more affordable,,,I am all for shopping clothes in Asia, at 1 10th of price and looks amazing...thanks for the thought, though....

4:18 PM  

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