Remembering Night of Jan 14, 2006

Could I have done something differently that night, or the many nights since then? They still ask me at the bar: you would not do that again? Right? They serve my drinks with mixed feelings and measured politeness. I regret so many things that I could have done, but not this one. I hoped to wake you up, or stop you by doing this. I was wrong for feeling powerless, though. It could have been easy, all it takes are smile and honesty and belief. Stupid and sad me. I mourn for those glasses, I mourn for the hands that could have hold your face, in stead, they just smashed, everything, broken. You said: it turned me on. A close friend said: that was sexy. No, that was not what it meant to be, not just. I wish I have done something differently on that night or many nights, since we first knew each other, or since you locked us up. A year later, tell me that you are happy.