Friday, January 06, 2006

A Story in film and in words

Last night, a girl friend and I went to see Brokeback Mountain.

I am not thinking of you, loud.

Although all the great review and comments I have read and my love of Ang Lee's prior works have set my expectation sky high, I was still not prepared enough for how great a film it is, and how long it is.

At least I went to the restroom before the film while I got water and snacks. But I still felt the need to pee about 30 minutes toward the end, in the hindsight. My friend got a little restless one third into the film, that was about the time she felt the need. But she did not want to get up and decided to hold it till the end.

Point is, we did't feel the film was long until our body tells us. Every minute of it is worthy and well controlled. That is why in the end tears welled up in your eyes and something heavy dwelled on your chest but it wouldn't come out. It was just there, for a long while.

Like the difficult and separate lives of Ennis and Jack, you have to just stand it.

After the movie and rushing trip to the bath room, we tried to find a place to eat. The Thai and Chinese restaurant were both closed at the minute we walked into the door. Again, the film was so long that our dinner plann was screwed up. We decided to go the Renaissance Dinner in my hood which opens 24 hours.

That was the easy brunch place of me and you. My friend and I toasted with our red wine, for love in whichever form it comes.

Then we went to OUR watering hole near my building for French Martini. Every place is with my memories of you and me. I think we have been lucky for having those moments.

Tonight, I read the book, Brokeback Mountain, in my apartment of redness, I read the story of the cold and bleak mid west ranches and mountains.

My tears that welled up from last night, from Tuesday, from all the past moments of sweetness, happiness, pain and silence, came running out.

Between the book and the film, I feel one sad and beautiful story has been perfectly written out in two different art languages.

"Never enough time, never enough. "

"Nothing ended, nothing begun, nothing resolved".

"There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe, but nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it you got to stand it. "

How true.

No matter how painful it is, I choose love over the feeling of bleakness and darkness when the wind stopped and made the permanent silence in the cave of heart.

So let's have a toast for love, in whatever forms it may come, and it may stay.


Blogger Geoffrey Hirschfeld said...

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain yet, and honestly I will most likely have to wait until the DVD comes out in the rental houses before I will be able to see it-our local cinema house is not known for it's forsight into good theatre.But that being said, having been on the wide open prarie of Montana(and oddly enough, one of the names mentioned in the film, Aguerre, is actually a sheep ranching family to whom I am related, who are Montanans), I know what it is like to be alone. And I have to say that the winter is the accentuation of the exclamation point when love is like a lonely ghost haunting your soul. But you said something that made me melt-"No matter how painful it is, I choose love over the feeling of bleakness and darkness when the wind stopped and made the permanent silence in the cave of heart." How incredably true-you can never stop loving, ever. You heart will stop beating, and the juices of your soul will conjeal when the "darkness" of solitude occupies the depth and span of your soul. Keep that love alive, no matter if it is burning for someone who you won't ever be able to love again. That love will be the torch that will rekindle your love for another; To extinguish that flame is to die a painfull death.

Excelent post. BTW-did you get my e-mail?

9:47 PM  

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