Monday, January 02, 2006

I Believe

I sat in our favoriate bar the day after Christmas, you were not there with me. You chose to be alone this holiday, you were angry and low. I wish I can be with you at this time.

But you are proud and you refuse any support or help. You guard your own wound, savoring it. My heart is heavy for you but I believe in your ultimate strength.

I am not fleeing the city this time, I am staying close by, facing the distance of 176 street blocks, facing the holidays being alone and missing you, growing stronger.

The holiday without you was painful but not bleak as I won't allow the latter. I read a beautiful love story sent to me by friend, her true story. It made me cry at 3 am in the morning while reading it. I caught up with friends and got to know some friends better.

I wanted to spend the New Year's eve with you, like I want to spend every day with you. We could not. I dined with a visiting friend instead and danced in the first 4 hours of first day of 2006. My girl friend turned 35 on this day. So we danced and danced and danced. I was wearing a red velvet dress you would like.

Toward dawn, I walked outside to get into a cab, heading home. Snow melted on the sidewalk of New York. It was not cold, yet fresh and crisp. And I looked up north toward where you might be.

My new year's wish to you came 12 hours earlier, remember, when the new year just appeared on the Horizon of this globe, over the sky of where I was from.

In 3 more weeks, it will be the Year of the Dog, according to Chinese calendar. You were born on the year of the dog. It will be your year. You shall wear red belt.

Maybe it is better you are with me since I am New Your red. Red is the color for Chinese new year.

Let us smile, believing everything will be better if we make it so. There will be solutions for problems. There will be so many things that worth dreaming of, striving for, or maybe wait upon with some patience.

Like Spain, white villages glistering under the sun in Spring time, a trip we did not make last year; like the countless more essays and cartoons you can create and inspire people with; like the exibitions and shows all over the city that we don't have time to enjoy them all, like the park, bookstores and cafe shops that we frequented in this great city, a life that is so rich, we have been lucky after all.

And to give up is just not an option. So let's smile.

May the new year be happy, peaceful and loving!


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