Friday, August 11, 2006

Red in Trouble

She walked in, a trashy blonde looking woman, she walked in the conference room and she said: we may need to bring in some testing specialist, agency usually don't do the type of advanced testing that I did before. "

Her arrogance offended me. "You mean, Fractional Factorial test?" I cut in.

She was surprised: "Yes." I was amused and satisfied. "We do that all the time here".

That is partially the truth. I know how it work, but I did not design it myself. And we did it once here in my seven year's tenure here.

If there is one thing I am really proud of and can bear no doubt, is my book-smartness--I would not have a blonde girl outsmart the Asian data girl--since when the identity of Asian data chick became so sacred to me, maybe since when you first knew me, the unexpected.

She heard me, so she now push for it. She is not stupid, she is not even that annoying. So today, I know I need to set up a Fractional Factorial testing matrix for 13 factors based on 23,000 target. There is a way, which I did not know yet.

I miss him, an extremely overweighted statistican man whose talk about some sort of Shrinkage model made every man in the meeting trying so hard not to giggle. The shrinkage model is supposely for solving the equation of Fractional Factorial analysis.

His equally overweighted wife called me the other day to check whether I still have my job---I almost said: Can I have your husband for 2 hours?" If you have seen them, you know how hard it is to ask. But I almost did.

I have been overworkd, sick at heart, broken for us, longing to go away for a vacation, crying inside, yet my mask of the strong and smart girl remains intact on surface. It began to crack. It just began to crack.

Or maybe it is the rain. Or maybe it is the fractional factorial matrix, or maybe it is all that memory and feeling of you it has brough up from my heart, from my conscious and subconscious, from every waking and sleeping moment of my life.

Why I am still here doing this, not with you? Because.

Did I say that out of courage instead of wisdom, we do this all the time, like when we say: love is forever. It is what we say that we had to stand up for, defend, materialize and deliver.

Words are promises. Words are sacred.

The blonde is waiting. The clock is ticking. People are looking, but pretend not looking. I could walk away or wait for someone to do it--we do need a statistican to figure this out and we don't have one. The one we do, I only know he has a fixation of Asian woman and his gaze creeps me out, but if he can design the matrix, all will be good.

Yet I don't trust him. I will read my book tomorrow, I will learn it tomorrow. For the red is fearless and fierce.

I will find a way on my own.

Maybe I will become an expert on FFA, as I said. Maybe that is what I am destined for.

I promise my self--do not bend. Red in trouble is when red is in her best, always.

Believe in me, but send me anything you know about Fractional Factorial design--my smaller readership is too artsy or bohemian for this crap, I am afarid--but I will ask just in case, and send me any contact of your smart or geeky friends as well.

Meanwhile, I am going Googling, not for some name or faces that I miss, but for my FFA. Truth be told I should not use Google for this, but hey, they are the number one.

I want to hear you say it again, when you pronounced those words, fractional factorial analysis, good time we had.

Good time I am having now.


Anonymous Neil said...

Good time we had reading that.

11:17 PM  
Blogger haiku_girl said...

There is some kind of comfort in being something. Book smart Asian girl or brainy brunette ... playing the role is easy.

11:05 PM  
Blogger Rrramone said...

Very intriguing story!

You have great musical taste by the way. :-)

1:40 AM  
Blogger New York Red said...

I agree. Sometime a role makes us feel comfortable, like a mask...

Neil, Glad you have a good time, like your new play...

Rrramone, thanks for the comments!Nobody has told me that (music taste) before ever....;-)

11:20 AM  

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