World Around me

Jon Stewart shouted: Republicans, own your scandal, don't rationalize it! "

I feel so thrilled to hear that, at 11 PM at night, extremly tired--not like my usualy typical immigrant aloof reaction to political heat in this country.

I feel that is a good sentence. It summed up the absurdity of the situation and many situations.

Own it. There are so many things that we don't want to own, but want to rationalize or derationalize--our fear, responsiblity, choices.

Before Jon Stewart, after working until 10 pm and pretty much brain-damaged, I went home to catch an episode of Project Runway--a reunion special. I still Love Jay. The gay winner of Season one. I loved his creativeness from day one and his candid attidudes. I saw him once in Byrant park shooting the segment where he was driving around in a new SUV and sat and talked to a doll in the park. Jay is cool. "You selected a gay guy for season one, an Aisan immigrant for season 2. You will select a black guy for season 3." He said.

Truth is Michael is really good for season 3. He derved to be the favorite. I watched projecct runway with utter loyalty and never go online finding out who is wining if I miss it. I wait for the encore.

How stupid can someone get? Keith, the cute guy who was kicked off continued to wage a losing battle rather than being cool. He is talented. He should have waited for another chance. But now he is just a little annoying kid.

Making clothes is cool. For a moment I fantasize about the idea of being the type of designer who can just be a so-called muse for someone, a critic, a selecter, never having to sketch, or lifet a needle. I need to find my partner. Since I like watching beautifully designed everything, but I don't create, don't sew or saw, don't draw. A muse, yes, it sounds very pretentious and annoying.

My boss sent me the article in New York time. The author was reciting the experience of the mid-air collision of his small plane against the big plane above the jungle of Amazon. It is powerful. I could not open the file. Do I really want to read it? A frequent long-distance flyer with unconquerable flying anxiety. I was always busy on planes, all senses in motion, make sure everything is in order, as if the airline has paid me for a security checking job. I chose that job, withnot added benefit of club membership.

I may read that story at some point, but story of chances and fate lingers with me.

Only lately I found I have enjoyed flying as well as life with a more calm demeanor, appreciateive and humorous. I stopped fearing about many things. I am more peaceful with what I can and can not do, control or deliver.

I am more peaceful with the now and the living, rather than worrying about the silence and emptiness of upcoming and after living.

And I work for a reason. And I was less fearing about what I do or did in work or with life or in love. I am creating number again. Sometime they work, sometime they don't. I really do not care about how many emails to sell something got clicked anymore, while the world move on with its own worries.

Just know that I can not stop working and do whatever I want just because I have heartache. It does not work that way. You continue, you pretend you heal. You laugh again. You laugh for watching Cobelt report. You laugh for missing him, still.

Shooting at schools, violence in Africa, Japan's new prime ministor is a nationalist. News filled the air. Can any of us really do anyting about it? I think of Che, he did something about it with what he believe. He is the real idealist, the action type.

We survive. We still drink Martini and counting the days. We are still faced with possiblity or impossiblity of starting or continuing a love affair or a love relationship. I don't want to fall in love anymore or any longer. Or I do.

Move on. Keep marching. We are told, that is better.

Blog space is much mor quieter lately. I read, but do not comment. Chris' Geico died, dried up. Sad.

Eeverying has an expiriation date. New movies comes out based on the book we know. New books published. Authors that we talked about, his book I got for you, we just won't talk anymore.

Can we project two different scenarios? Sure. We pull number out of the thin air. We tell a story based on assumptions and what we know.

Educated guess, isn't that how we rationalize everything?

But there is right and wrong in this world, right or not right, right and far right, yes, I really love the writers for Daily show and Cobelt report.

They kick ass, I pull something out of it and call it projection, and in between those, I wrote this quiky blog post to give my poor brain a much needed change of scene and thought.

Own it, whatever it is.